Thunderstorm

-
When I am scared of the thunderstorm as if it is shattering the sky, I feel like God is mad, or my Greek mythology ass thinks that Zeus is having arguments with Poseidon or Hades. I hid in my blanket and covered my ears. The sounds streamed to my soul. I thought the sky might crack or the houses would be destroyed. I whispered, “God, are you mad at us? Forgive us, human beings, forgive me,” as if He would hear me and stop the thunderstorm. I don't want to face the apocalypse, not now, I think. Somewhere between the roaring sky and my trembling chest, it occurred to me that perhaps the storm was never just in the clouds. Imagine how God will destroy the earth in an apocalypse, imagine when He says “enough” to all of us, it is more than just a thunderstorm. Definitely, no one is ever as patient and merciful as God. Yet it makes me think that patience and all the feelings we feel can break out at any time. Perhaps, because we are human, and patience has limits for us. It could appear ...
Posting Komentar

I am a sinner, do I deserve a second chance, third chance, or even fourth chance?

-

My life has been filled with many turns, highs, and lows. There have been moments in my life when I have felt the best and the worst. I realize that sometimes I don't like myself in situations where I am surrounded by pleasures from this world. I forgot myself, I was arrogant, I was spending money for unnecessary things, but I also don’t like myself in difficult situations. Sometimes, I get upset at myself for not succeeding more often. I said to God, "I’ve tried my best, but why is it still not enough?”

“Why did you do this to me? I have suffered enough.”

“Am I not good enough?”

“Am I so sinful that You punish me like this?”


Maybe God punished me.

I have a lot of sins and this is what I deserved.

I reached a point where I felt completely hopeless and angry. And sometimes, when things don’t go as I planned, I become furious. I blame everything, others, or even myself. I get so frustrated, overwhelmed by anxiety, and feel like a complete failure. It seemed like my prayers weren’t being heard and I began to think that Allah no longer cared for me because of my sins. But more than anything, I was desperately angry with myself.

I always believed I did everything for a reason, that I wasn't truly a bad person, but that others had pushed me to become one. Yet, I’ve come to realize that’s no excuse. You must do the right thing, even when you have a reason to do wrong, because that’s what Allah wants from us.

The doubts, the frustrations, they seemed to hover like a dark cloud, never fully leaving. I wondered how many more challenges I would face, how many more tests I would have to endure. But, in the quiet moments, I began to realize something: maybe it wasn't about whether I was "good enough." Maybe it wasn't about punishment or reward. Maybe this is His way of showing me the path to Him. The right path. Maybe he wants to see how I come back to Him.

Slowly, I started to see the wisdom behind it all. In the struggles, I found strength. In the waiting, I found patience. The more I tried to surrender to truly let go of my need to control everything, the more I began to feel a deep sense of peace. It wasn’t about understanding everything or having all the answers. It was about trust. I trust in Allah for every aspect of my life. I know He always gives me what’s best for me. He is the best of planners. And I surrender my life to Him.

Everytime i doubt myself, I'm at my worst, and I'm not happy about everything that happened, I just say.. 

“اِنَّ صَلَاتِيْ وَنُسُكِيْ وَمَحْيَايَ وَمَمَاتِيْ لِلّهِ رَبِّ الْعَا لَمِيْنَ”

Inna shalaatii wa nusukii wa mahyaaya wa mamaatii lillaahi rabbil aalamiina

“Indeed, my prayer, worship, life, and death are for Allah, the Lord of the Worlds”


I know that even though I wasn't always a good person, I’ve started to become better. I’ve learned tawakkal and husnudzon, though it took time for me to truly understand them. Even now, I’m far from perfect, but one thing I know for sure is that Allah always loves me. Despite my sins, He continues to give me countless chances. He protects me, and He never leaves me❤️‍

Komentar

Posting Komentar

Postingan populer dari blog ini

Treat People with Kindness

-
There are many forms of kindness, such as being respectful, polite, friendly, and appreciative. The fact that sometimes people have differences but still choose to respect each other's perceptions shows respect. How you treat people with kindness and answer them politely rather than ignorantly and apathetically speaks to what kind of person you are. Also, a little bit of a smile is enchanting. In my journey of life, I'm not always kind, I was rude, we were being rude, but honestly, the older I get, the more I learn. We never truly know what others have been through, we have never walked in their shoes, and being rude to them only makes them feel worse, doesn't it? If you go to a restaurant, saying “thank you” to the waitress might be a small act that is nice. It might make them feel better, because we don't know what happened to them that day. Either way, to your online taxi driver, to your pedicab driver, to the bakery seller that you buy from, to anyone who helps you ...
Baca selengkapnya

Thunderstorm

-
When I am scared of the thunderstorm as if it is shattering the sky, I feel like God is mad, or my Greek mythology ass thinks that Zeus is having arguments with Poseidon or Hades. I hid in my blanket and covered my ears. The sounds streamed to my soul. I thought the sky might crack or the houses would be destroyed. I whispered, “God, are you mad at us? Forgive us, human beings, forgive me,” as if He would hear me and stop the thunderstorm. I don't want to face the apocalypse, not now, I think. Somewhere between the roaring sky and my trembling chest, it occurred to me that perhaps the storm was never just in the clouds. Imagine how God will destroy the earth in an apocalypse, imagine when He says “enough” to all of us, it is more than just a thunderstorm. Definitely, no one is ever as patient and merciful as God. Yet it makes me think that patience and all the feelings we feel can break out at any time. Perhaps, because we are human, and patience has limits for us. It could appear ...
Baca selengkapnya

ARE PRAYING AND WORSHIPING MEANT TO SATISFY GOD?

-
“I served myself to God. I prayed 5 times a day, I fasted, I read the Qur'an more than most people, and I was willing to die or kill for God. But I never felt God was satisfied, I didn't know if He was or not” Spoken by an ex-Muslim, I watched a podcast about his journey to becoming a Christian, but I sensed a slight misconception about his perception. I want to highlight the point of how he was praying to satisfy God. However, I can tell he was raised in a tough environment and I’m not going to judge his whole journey. God is Powerful, God is Great, The Most Merciful, The Most Compassionate, The Most Forgiving. But how could He need us to make Him satisfied? Would that make Him more powerful? Or by not worshiping Him, He becomes less powerful? It feels like a random thought that came out of nowhere, but what is the correct concept behind it? Human beings, like kings such as Nimrod and Pharaoh, needed validation and satisfaction, so they demanded their people worship them...
Baca selengkapnya